6 Things I learned From Falling in Love Young

I started dating my now husband at the age of 18, almost 9 years ago. I didn't really date in high school, I had a few dates here and there and dated a few guys for a few months (not at the same time), but that was really it. I didn't really want to date anyone, I always had dates to the dances, usually with a guy friends, I hung out with my girls or my guy friends and I was happy like that. When I went to college, being an 18 year old girl I thought to myself "maybe I can find the right guy here." I didn't want to date someone I had known forever, I wanted to meet new people and maybe find the guy for me there. On the first day of college (I remember it like it was yesterday) I was sitting in a classroom waiting for Theatre Appreciation to start. I heard a very distinct voice from the hallway and I looked over and saw a tall guy with blonde shaggy hair, black rimmed glasses, black Chucks, and a blue shirt that said The Almost on it (is it sad I remember all that) and I instantly thought "hmmmm, he's cute."  He then walked into the room, talking and laughing with the Professor who taught the class. About a month later we ended up dating, and now here we are. Matt is the only serious boyfriend I ever had, the first boy I have ever loved, and the first boy who has treated me how I deserve to be treated.

Here is what I have learned from falling in love at a young age:

1. You can fall in love at a young age. Now I know what you're thinking, "you can't actually fall in love at 18." To be honest, when I was 18 and just started dating Matt I wasn't in love, I didn't even know what love was then, but looking back now, what I did have for him would turn into love. By the time we had been together a few months I knew that I never wanted to be with anyone else, and that, my friends is love. I didn't know it was love at the time, and I sure wasn't going to tell him the L word just a few months in, but I knew I didn't want what we had to end.

2. You can have a healthy relationship in your early teens/early 20s. I hate hearing young girls talk about how their boyfriend talks to/about them. I also hate hearing young guys talk about how their girlfriends are bossy. It is possible to have a strong and healthy relationship at a young age, it just takes giving and taking from both sides. It is also important to notice when your relationship isn't healthy. I believe one of the fastest ways to ruin a relationship is being selfish. Sometimes you have to see that movie you really don't want to, sometimes you have to sit and watch him play video games, sometimes you have to put the controller down, sometimes you have to go to the mall for the 4th time this week, sometimes you have to watch football, sometimes you have to listen to him/her complain about work for the 1000th time today (these are all things we deal with on a regular basis.)

3.  It's important to laugh at yourself. I don't know how many times Matt and I have both laughed at him for ruining the frozen pizza, or laughed at me because I ALWAYS burn the last batch of cookies. When I do something stupid, he is going to laugh, so I just need to laugh along with him, instead of getting my feelings hurt. Now, there is a line between laughing when its appropriate and laughing when it is not, find that line, and try not to cross it.

4. It's important to be okay just sitting in the same room together. When we first got together we both lived at home and in the beginning when we wanted to be together we went somewhere and spent money. Now, we are poor so we have learned to be okay just being together watching a show, or playing a video game together. It's okay to have nothing to do, just have nothing to do together.

5. Find the thing that is yours, as a couple. I've had people ask me what Matt and I do to spend time together and the answer is easy...table top games. Recently we have started to collect table top games and we play at least one almost every night. We also play Pokemon together on regular basis. That is our time, our thing, and we love it!

6. Marriage is great! We have been married 4 years and 5 months and it has been awesome. Has it been easy? Nope! Has it been fun? Yup! To quote my best friend "being married is like having a sleepover with your best friend every night." Find the person who makes you the best you, the one you can't see living without, the one who treats you with respect, love, and compassion and dating and marriage will be great. Remember, we are all human, we are all different, we make mistakes, but true love can withstand all.

For The Planners...

Wow, it has been a really long time since I last created a post on here. I used to write a couple every week. I guess my life isn't as exciting as it used to be. I'm writing this today as I get ready for my graduation, which is in 6 days. This is what is on my mind:

Where I am right now, at this age was NOT the plan. Here is how it was supposed to work out: graduate high school, meet a boy, date that boy, finish college and get my teaching license, get engaged, get a teaching job, get married,  buy/build a house, have kids...all by the age of 25. That was the plan I created for myself when I was a senior in high school. That was the life I wanted, the perfect life. I wanted a white picket fence, the american dream. I had everything planned out in my head, and I was going to make those things happen, no matter what. 

But guess what....

The things I had planned for my life where not the ultimate plan, at least not how I had them planned. This is what really happened: 
May 2007 I graduated high school
September 2007 I started dating a boy
May 2010 graduated with an associates degree (so far so good)
here is where it took a turn.....
Aug 2010 I went to one week of college to get my bachelor's degree and then I dropped out. 
I worked while I tried to figure out what I wanted out of life. 
Dec 2010 boy proposes
Aug 2011 I moved to St. Louis and went to St. Louis Christian College. 
January 2012 moved back home
February 2012 married the boy
March 2012 dropped out of school....again. 
We worked part time jobs, moved 4 times in two years, all in apartments/trailers/with my parents. 
January 2014 moved to Edwardsville.
Aug 2014 went back to school.
May 7, 2016 I will graduate with my teaching degree! 

I am 27 years old and have moved 6 times in four years, never had my own home, that we own. Struggled over and over and over again. I am 27 years old and have only accomplished 2 things on my list of things to have done by 25 (getting married and getting my degree.) And here is the crazy part I am 100% happy with the life I have lived. 

Nothing has worked how I planned it to work and I do not regret a single thing! I am so confident in everything Matt and I have done and so proud that we have done it mostly on our own and married. I went through a tough program while working, paying bills, and being a wife. It has been hard, so hard, and stressful but "it's not supposed to be easy, if it were easy everyone would do it."-A League of Their Own. I did it all, how and when I was supposed to, not when I THOUGHT I was supposed to.  

So here is why I wrote this. If you find yourself in a place you never expected, good for you. Life is too short to have it all planned out. Surprises are good, the unexpected is good, a crazy life is good. As long as you work hard, chase your dreams, and treat others with kindness you will have a happy and fulfilled life, and NEVER let anyone make you think differently. 

5 Things People Who Love the Blues, but Dislike the Cardinals are Tired of Hearing.

I don't hate the Cards, if a baseball team has to win I want it to be the Cards, I just really dislike baseball. I understand it is America's past time, but I prefer Canada's past time (I don't think they call hockey that, they might, I have no idea.) Baseball is like watching paint dry, I get so bored. Unfortunately baseball rules St. Louis in the sports' department, and as a hockey fan, that is sad. I am forever getting in arguments with Cards fan, who aren't Blues fan about which is better. Don't get me wrong, I know plenty of people who love both teams, and enjoy them both the same, like my friends Quinn, Cassi, and Chris, but for me baseball is a drag. These are just 5 things that I am so tired of hearing, you're beating a dead horse Cards fans, I'll never some to the dark side.

1. "How many cups do you have?"

      None, we have none, that joke is beat! 

2. "It's baseball pre-season!"

      And it's hockey play-offs, shut up!

3.  "This is Cardinal nation."

       We get it, you people love boring sports, why can't their be room for all of us?

4. "I can't watch hockey on TV?"

     But you can watch baseball?! Seriously, I do NOT understand this, how can you not watch a fast paced sport on TV. 

5. "We don't have any Blues items, but we have Cardinals."

     I did not ask for Cardinals' items, I asked for Blues. I live in Illinois, but 20 minutes from Scottrade and Busch Stadium and our Wal-Mart has two isles of Cards stuff, and 4 hooks of Blues stuff. Why? We are all associated with the same city, why can't we have the same amount of stuff?

If you're a Cards fan and I have offended you, I apologize, but try being in our shoes.

Sincerely,

Every person who loves hockey more than baseball

The Kindness of Just a Few Men.

If you have read my blog before you know that on June 8th my world was flipped upside down when my best friend and cousin of 23 years got killed in a hit and run accident. One year is coming up soon, I can't believe it. Life has been hard, really hard, but my family has stuck together and we have had kind words and gestures from hundreds of people, even strangers. 

If you don't know anything about my family you must know that we are close, really close. There are 8 of us cousins and we all grew up at my grandma's house almost every day. We are siblings. This tragedy has been so hard on our family, but we are making it. Lana and I were closer than most cousins and friends and everyone knew it, if you saw one of us, the other wasn't too far behind. I miss my best friend so much, but I'm not letting the hurt and pain control me. I'm letting it drive me. I am making sure to always be kind and caring to everyone, because I don't know if they are hurting in the same way I am. I work hard, and make sure to not complain about life, because I'm learning that life is short. Lana wouldn't want us to all sit around and miss her, she would want us to remember the great times we had with her. 

I'm writing this to show you some of the kindness we have been shown the past year, but I'm just going to show the video because it does a better job than I could. 

http://www.ksdk.com/videos/news/local/2015/05/07/home-depot-donates-material-for-memorial-garden/70991340/

 So thank you home depot, for restoring our faith in humanity. 

Grandma and Grandpa presented all the guys who helped build with plaques. (Two guys couldn't make it.)

The crew with me, my brother, sister, husband, my sister's boyfriend, and of course Grandma and Grandpa. 

The plaque up close. 

The newest picture of the garden.

This is the definition of how our relationship was. 

Lana, you will always be in my heart. My first and longest best friend. I think of you everyday. Until we meet again...

To my Seester

Today is my sister/best friend's birthday and I all I want to do is celebrate her life. I could never thank her enough for all she has done for me. The three of us Miller kids can make it through this crazy life because we have each other. I look up to her so much! She is always brave enough to speak her mind and stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. She is the first person I go to when I'm having an outfit crisis or need the push to do something crazy to my hair. She is so artistic and could beat anyone in a chalkboard art contest. She is the hardest worker I know an gives her life to her job. Here's to you Seester!

Interview

My really good friend and fellow missionary did an interview with me on her blog. Give it a read and let me know what you think, also...follow her blog.
Ally's Blog 

What Women are Getting Sick Of...

As I am getting older there is one thing that is starting to weigh heavy on my heart. Call me a feminist if you will but I am getting sick of the things people say to girls/women. We were raised by three people; an independent grandmother who raised 4 kids and 8 grand kids while grandpa was gone working. She hung ceiling fans, fixed toilets, and built chicken coops. We also were raised by a mother who taught us we could do anything we put our mind to, and a single father who taught us about hockey, living on a farm, and how to properly shake a person's hand. Maybe that is why we are the way we are, and that is why as we get older we continuously get angry when people say things like "you have a firm handshake...for a girl." I mean really, is that supposed to be a compliment? I think I'm going to start saying that sort of thing to men.

For those of you who don't know me very well let me start by telling you this, because this is where this post started to develop in my brain. I love hockey, the St. Louis Blues are my team, but if there are other games on channels that I receive, they will be on my TV. I know a lot about hockey and not just Blues hockey. I know players, teams, stats, rules, coaches...you get my point. My dad raised me to love hockey and as I got older I fell away from it, but have found myself falling in love with the sport and my local team all over again.

It all started a few months ago when I was at work with the Blues game on the TVs, as I walked past the bar I glanced at the TV and saw that we had just scored. All I could see on the TV when I walked by was our number 26 celebrating, I couldn't read the last name on his jersey, I just saw the number. I said, "oh yeah Stastny," as I walked by. Someone at the bar looked at me and said, "wow, you know names just by seeing their numbers?" I instantly felt angry. Would he have said that to a man? I'm pretty sure we all know the answer to that. Then, just two nights ago I was just having a casual chat with a coworker (a Red Wings fan) about back up goalies. This is how our conversation went:
Me:  "man I feel so bad for Bryzgalov, the Ducks backup, he is really struggling."
Him: "I can't believe you know his name."
Me: "why, because I'm a girl?"
Him: "Well, yeah."
I get so sick of having to prove to men that I know just as such about a sport as other men do. 
-Sierra

When discussing "sexism" and misogyny, a major sticking point has always been "how do you know if something that's been said is actually offensive"? Of course there are many shades of grey and no simple answer to this but a good rule of thumb is always "would you say that to a man?" In most traditionally male dominated areas (sports and, lets face it, almost any profession) the answer is often times "yeah...no way."

I've been in the restaurant business for over ten years, part as a server and mostly as a bartender and there are examples everyday of little comments and questions directed at me that would never be said to a man in my position. Most of these are along the lines of "do you know anything about whiskey?" or my personal favorite "do you even know how to make a Manhattan?" The underlying assumption being that I have no clue what I'm doing and was just hired based on my gender. I've actually had somebody say that to my face, but that's another story. One particular incident that will always stick out in my mind happened several months ago at the place I'm currently working. A gentleman sat down and asked what rye I would suggest for a Manhattan and I told him what my favorite was at the time. He immediately laughed it off and let me know that particular one wasn't good enough for him. Whatever, I made his drink with his choice and shrugged it off. Some time later our bearded, rugged, manly chef came behind the bar and this customer started chatting him up about whiskey. He asked Chef what his favorite was and of course Chef said the one I had suggested (its a damn good rye). Chef poured this guy a shot and lo and behold, the customer loved it. He even went so far as to look at me and go "wow, guess I owe you an apology!" But the point had already been made. The 120 pound girl in a dress couldn't possibly know what she was talking about, even if she is a trained professional. Thank God there was a man there to let this fellow man know that it was okay to try the whiskey and he wouldn't start his period instantly (or whatever it is that idiots think will happen if they treat a woman like a person).

The question remains however, "what's the big deal?" Is it really that bad to have to answer a few dumb questions or fend off a few ignorant remarks? To understand why a woman might get so angry about this you have to, like in so many other social situations, look not at the words said, but the sentiment behind them. More often than not I cant shake the feeling that the underlying message is "its your duty as a woman to prove yourself to me". Men at hockey game aren't asked if they know the players numbers because they belong there. They don't have to prove themselves because in the mind of the other men they have earned their right to be a fan simply by existing. A male bartender isn't impressive when they know whiskey because its understood they deserve their job...because they're a man. Until we start to really ask ourselves why it is that men feel a god given right to any space they choose to inhabit and any hobby they choose for themselves, we're always going to have to prove to them that we "deserve" the respect they take for granted everyday. And I'm always going to be angry about it.

-Kandi

Sincerely,

The Millers