Maaawage (Princess Bride...anyone?)

As I sit here I keep thinking about the fact that Matt and I are growing up. It is a scary but exciting thought. We are S-L-O-W-L-Y figuring out what the Lord wants from us, and how to go about getting there. I often find myself day dreaming about the future, starting our CAREERS, having kids, moving away, etc. Matt and I are in this awkward in between stage in our lives. We are adults, with bills, and our own home, real jobs, and responsibilities, but yet; we are still like kids. We love going on trips, sleeping in, and staying up too late watching TV. We are still learning about marriage and each other, but we are having a blast doing it. The hardest part about growing up for me, is just that...growing up. So many parts of me want to stay in this awkward stage where we stay the night at our family members' houses, just because, where we have no responsibilities over more human beings, and where we pretty do whatever we want (within our budget.) But another part of me is ready to go back to school and become a teacher, have kids, move away (hopefully to Haiti) and start our ADULT lives serving the Lord. Finding the balance between those two things is not easy. 

Last night I went to the Queen Pageant at our county fair (I hate pageants), but I went because Matt runs sounds and I had a friend whose little girl was a Little Miss. As I sat there people watching (my favorite thing to do) I couldn't help but notice almost everyone I went to high school was carrying a small child, and it made me think, "so this is what I'm supposed to be doing at 24, I'm supposed to be a mom." I thought this for about 2 minutes then the Lord smacked in the back of the head and snapped me back to reality. This is what he reminded me "someday you will be a mom, and a really good one because you will teach your child about My Son and My love, but right now is not the time! Enjoy your time with your husband where you don't have to find a babysitter when you want to go out, enjoy your full nights of sleep, and trips you can take, just the two of you." 

When Matt and I were engaged everyone was asking "when are you going to get married...when are you going to get married...why is your engagement so long?....blah blah blah"  Now that we are married everyone is asking "when are you going to have a baby....don't you want a baby....when are you going to have a baby?...blah blah blah" Everyone is always rushing us, why can't we just be us, Matt & Sierra for awhile?  

Growing up is really hard, sometimes I feel like it is only hard for us (which I know is not true.) We are still trying to figure out how and when to get out of this limbo stage we are in right now, or even if we want to get out of it. We are loving our late night Denny's run with our friends Zach & Danny, Matt is loving is time with his band, sharing Jesus through their music, I'm loving being able to go fishing or swimming at my grandma's anytime I want, we are enjoying our late nights watching Smallville (even if we regret that decision in the morning), I'm loving my random trips to STL to play Dungeons & Dragons or my free hours spent reading, or my trips to Haiti (which would not happen if I was a mom. )We have been married 1 year and 4 months and we are loving our moments of alone time, even if we are just watching TV or taking turns playing Mario on the Wii. We are not rushing our lives together, we are holding onto each moment the Lord gives us together.

Now, don't get me wrong, I cannot wait to me a mother, and I cannot wait for Matt to be a father, but right now is not that time.

If you are rushing through life, or catch yourself wishing your life was different I suggest you take a step back and look at the little things in your life that you enjoy...things like the stuff I listed above. The little things in life are what make it peaceful and perfect. 

Thank you Lord for blessing me with a perfectly imperfect marriage! I cherish everyday I have with Matt, and I thank you for putting him in my life 6 years ago.

Until next time...Deuteronomy 24:5