In Heaven Everything is Fine

I cried last night....a lot. More than I have in several weeks. It just hit me, like a big yellow school bus (Mean Girls reference.) Everyday is different, some are good, some are okay, some are bad, and some are terrible. I am having trouble with the fact that I am afraid I'm going to forget her voice, which I know is silly, but it is what my mind is telling me. I blame Satan...he is easy to blame things on. I really really wanted to dream about her last night, but that did not happen...maybe she was having a bad hair day and did not want me to see. I want to see her so bad, but I want to see the real her...it will happen one day.

Today while I was driving I thought about seeing her again in Heaven and the first thought in my head was "I hope Heaven is ready for her and I together after all this time. We have so much to catch up on, there will be a lot of screaming and laughing...no tears though, "no tears, no tears up there" (old church hymn reference.) 

I also said these words to Matt today, "I never thought you would have another girl's initials tattooed on your body." They were so close, and I haven't seen him cry since the funeral. I asked him last night why he doesn't cry, his reply was, "I do, just not in front of you." 

My sister told me that her doctor told her "when tragedy happens after about two or three months that's when it really hits and gets worse for awhile." I am to that point. 

Life is hard....

I bought these at our favorite store as girls...Claire's. I am going to put her picture in the Cousins one and wear her with me.